29 June 2026 – Morning Journal Entry
The Sign Given
Last night I dreamt I was driving a lorry as part of a three-vehicle convoy.
Almost immediately, I realised three things were wrong. I had never driven anything larger than a car. I didn’t even have the right licence. And the driver’s seat had been adjusted for someone much taller than me, leaving me barely able to reach the pedals.
Even so, the convoy kept moving. There was no turning back.
When we eventually pulled into a rest stop, I explained the problem to one of the other drivers. He simply replied that he would adjust the seat for me.
I woke feeling anxious. How was I supposed to complete the journey without causing an accident or being found out?
The Sign Confirmed
This morning, I asked Hekate for a sign and drew Devotee – Dedication from my Hekate Oracle.
At first, the card puzzled me.
Then it dawned on me that perhaps I have been answering Her call without fully trusting where it is leading.
She has called me more than once over the years. I have followed, written about the path and publicly shared my understanding of walking with both Christ and Hekate. Yet there is still a part of me standing at the threshold, hesitant to place my full weight on the path beneath my feet.
Reflection
The dream seems to reflect exactly how I have been feeling since the beginning of Cancer season.
Not a day has gone by without feeling close to tears.
Yet I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried. Years of masking have taught me how to carry on regardless. I know how to keep functioning even when the emotional pressure is quietly building beneath the surface.
Looking back, I can see that the latest emotional wave began after I watched Alex Reads Tarot’s video about leaving Tarot. Her journey is her own, but it unexpectedly touched an old wound in me. It reminded me that religious trauma doesn’t simply disappear because we’ve spent years healing. Like any form of trauma, it can lie dormant until something brushes against it.
The dream gave those feelings a shape.
I wasn’t driving the wrong vehicle.
I wasn’t even on the wrong road.
The problem was that I was trying to drive from a position that didn’t fit me.
As I sat with Hekate’s guidance, a quiet understanding emerged.
“You have the power to adjust your own driver’s seat. And if you trust me, I can show you how.”
Perhaps that is what dedication really means.
Not proving ourselves worthy.
Not making dramatic declarations.
Simply allowing ourselves to be guided into the place where we can finally reach the pedals and drive the vehicle we have been entrusted with.
Trust also means being discerning about which voices we allow to influence us. When I immerse myself in voices filled with certainty that my path is wrong, doubt naturally grows louder. When I return to prayer, love and lived experience, something steadier and more faithful begins to emerge.
Prayer
While praying my Christo-Hekatean rosary this morning, I found myself gently changing the closing words of the doxology:
May the light of Divine Wisdom illuminate my heart until the only choice I make at every crossroads is the most loving one.
I hadn’t planned to change the words.
Perhaps they changed me instead.
